Getting Back The Control Of My Life

"Life is from inside out . When you shift on the inside , life shifts on the outside." -Kamal Ravikant

For last one month I have been feeling very down and depressed as if things aren't happening right and the pieces aren't falling into places. I was living with this constant feeling as if I am wasting my life away .

I am studying a course which i was earlier interested in , but now I am not . This course does have few of it's advantages but still it doesn't holds much potential in terms of career.

As I am in my bachelor's right now , I still have chance to get a good course in my master's and then a good specialization course for my Phd .

My interests lies in art, literature and language, music , designing, psychology and neuroscience ; out of these subjects I want to study psychology and neuroscience and have a career in freelancing and creative stuffs while working with nature and wildlife .

For the last one month I have been feeling very down and thinking maybe my decision is wrong and I am wasting my time for nothing, adding on to my worry is that my course is not an hons. course and as informed by my mother who is informed by her colleagues , in my country many states don't allow you to take admission in master's if you don't have an hons. degree . I honestly don't know if this is actually true or not because my classmates said it's not .

I the previous episode I mentioned about how I got offer from two very prestigious universities but denied , it was entirely because I allowed my overthinking and anxious thoughts take over me and also because the course was a five years BS-MS dual degree in the subjects that i wasn't interested in studying or atleast not continuing them for my master's.

After a month of feeling low and guilty , I realized maybe it's because I have been quite a lot stressed because of too much college work and even if that wasn't the real reason I realized one thing that was no one apart from me myself is responsible for my happiness or any feelings .

Rather than sitting feeling low I decided to take control of my feelings and get back the control of my life .

I restarted my hobbies which i had given up on earlier because of me feeling low and started searching ways to self study the subjects of my interest , I soon started coming up with ideas for my future projects and upcoming plans , I also found many ways and resources to self study my subject of interest.

There are still days when I am feeling low and guilty, questioning my decision , but unlike other times when I am unable to get back up and stay low for days , this time i am able to get back up and be cheerful and hopeful again within just a day or two.

And i believe that if can get back the control of my life then anyone can. Yes, it's really hard sometimes i agree but focusing on things you truly love , taking a break and spending time with people who truly love you and matter to you will make things feel good sooner or later.